Friday, February 26, 2010

I Ended Our Marriage, As It Was

I ended our marriage, as it was, partly because N categorically ruled out me returning to look after L when she went back into employment. That wasn’t acceptable. But more critical than this was our constant fighting and my concern over the effect of this on L.

I wanted to spend more time with L and I wanted her to have a safe environment. So I broke up our existing relationship as it was unsafe for L (and for me too actually, but it was its risk for L that broke the back and meant I had to act).

Something else was gestating too, which was my beginning to try and understand our system, but I didn’t know it then, or what an effect this would have on my life. Now I am committed to changing our system so we may all live without harm; and though it may be a road that leads me to destitution, it is the road I will take, because anything else would compromise what I have already given and the promise of what may come. Plus it is just what I am meant to do.

L has been very happy with me half the time and the other half with N. And I wish this could continue. But at the moment it looks like it can’t. If it could be different, and I could have L with me all the time while I pursue what gives my life meaning, then of course, I would have it this way. But at the moment, it looks like I can’t. I hope this will change, but I can’t know that it will.

I love you L, more than anything else in this world. We will work it out.


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